I must explain that in the Czech Republic beer drinking is sort of a way of life. Or is it? Well, it is if you are an American student studying abroad. Most students of beer will note that in the Czech Republic there is quite a resplendent selection of beer to choose from. If you are like me, then you may prize an inside joke more than the beverage from which it sprang from.
The beer muse is, Velvet produced by the Staropramen Pivoray (Brewing Company). It is “A bottom-fermented beer, 5.3% alcohol, with a remarkable visual appearance and taste, whose development was inspired by a traditional English recipe.”
Truly, the beer does live up to it’s name. And somehow the Original Hooligan Tribe is inspired to infuse the beers plush moniker with a diverse array… Well, anyway it’s all explained in the letter.
What started as nothing more than mention of a Czech lager prominently named, Velvet, leads to a Hooligan skit inspired universe? We are not sure if the beer comes from Czech Republic but is a British beer or if it is a Czech Beer made in Britain. Somehow thee Majesties royal country is involved and we proceed to first, carpet bombing all of the Bond films: The most memorable and somehow more hysterical appropriation being, License to Velvet, funnier even than both Dr. Velvet and Octavelvet. Die Another Velvet or Velvet Another Day are not bad choices but sadly disappointing when put next to Velvet Pussy! GoldVelvet offers its funnier counterpart in Velveteye or Velvetfinger. From Russia with Velvet seems too decadent and deprived. You Only Live Velvet sucks. It just doesn’t cut it, not in any rearrangement including and limited to: You Velvet Live Twice, Velvet Only Live Twice and You Only Velvet twice (perhaps the best arrangement from this bunch). Diamonds Are Velvet is too much of an inquiry rather than a statement. Without proper punctuation and when reversed, Velvet are Forever, sounds like a new post-rock band, rightly consisting of members from older better bands.
The Man With the Golden Velvet is mysterious and plush, only to be rivaled by, The Velvet with the Golden Gun as well as, The Man with The Velvet Gun, no matter how predictable.
On Her Majesty’s Secret Velvet is a bit implicative, causing a raised brow, but not so much a giggle. This is also attributed to this being not a memorable film in the Bond series. In fact, no suitable alteration of this title injected with velvet, will give the desired effect so, let’s keep moving.
The Spy Who Loved Velvet reminds me too much of Peter Sellers or Austin Powers, which could lead to a slapstick funny. Velvetracker though, is just plain vulture-like, primal and congenial at once!
Velvet Your Eyes Only, okay. A View to a Velvet, The Living Velvet in so far as these are poetic gestures… The Velvet Day Lights, dangerous and dreamy. Velvet Never Dies, too much infomercial-like. Where as, Tomorrow Never Velvet and The World is not Velvet are just too somber thoughts. For if the world was truly velvet we wouldn’t need houses or food or clothing.
“like deer antlers” muttered Pipe half awake.